When I started this blog I had illusions of grandeur thinking that for once I would actually stick to something because I enjoy it. Sadly, that failed! The truth is, I started this blog when I was in a rut and at the time thought that this was something that would distract me from my mundane day to day. That wasn’t the case and it turns out that a year later, I have changed jobs, moved house and finally feel settled in the direction my career is heading therefore I think I am long overdue spending time writing blog posts again (or maybe just finishing the hundreds of drafts that I have but have been to afraid to post!)
The real truth, however, is that I struggle with anxiety issues and lack of confidence which often makes me feel very low. With the job that I did previously, I ended up having to leave for my sanity as I would call my mum and boyfriend crying multiple times in the middle of the day because I felt like I was going to have a heart attack and die. In fact, it was in December that I truly believed I was going to die and ended up in A&E because of panic! Looking back it sounds ridiculous but at the time it felt so real.
That situation was a sudden wake up call that I could not keep on going as I was because I was been driven into the ground by people who were not worth my time of day. I took the biggest risk of my life and just left my job – sadly without anything to go to (not for want of trying). However my luck changed and after two months I was offered a job that would help me get to the career I want, in a firm that respects me as a person and despite working hard I should also have a life outside of that too.
I want to write more posts and appreciate every opportunity that comes my way rather than being held back by panic and anxiety. It has made me a terrible daughter, girlfriend and friend – to those who know me I am sorry but thank you for still being there and having my back. I think it’s time to take control of my life rather than letting a stupid thought in my brain take over. Even writing this has made me feel more positive because I can see the light again after hitting rock bottom.
This has been short and sweet but there is sure to be a new blog post soon!
If you got to the bottom, thanks for reading and I hope you have a great weekend!